Frustrations and mid semester rants

Now I know why people drink. Just to get to a happy place. Paradise perhaps. Where there are no assignments, stupid people, roommates, professors and all those who you don't really want but are there because you are a social animal. Period.
Its funny. Most of the time, I find myself cribbing about loneliness here. And yet. I love being alone. Bipolarity is for real indeed! I'd like to be only with that one person who understands (well I think so..although recent interactions are proving me wrong every second) me well enough to see the reason behind all that I do.
Its tiring. This whole thing. But who said getting two degrees from the 4th best school in world was easy! I want to be proud. And yet, all I do is cry. And wait for the end when all this will finally get over.
The pressure is unbelievable. More so the expectations. From everyone. Including family and parents (no matter how much they try to hide it). I am not stupid you see. And more than that, I am a woman. I see everything with the 'emotiglass'. That makes it harder I suppose. But it definitely is not my fault for feeling everything so deeply.
Right now, I want an internship so badly. I also want someone (apart from me) to assure me everything is going to be okay. Seriously. Everything IS GOING TO BE OKAY baby. This is Life. And I know worrying doesn't help. But I have been wired this way. What can I do!
I also know what my worries are going to be for the coming two years! I can literally see how its going to go. Its all downhill..mind you. Although I won't deny that I haven't been lucky with life.  I do believe that I am the 'blessed' child. And I am going to be famous someday. I want to be famous someday. I want to prove it so many people that I am talented, and beautiful and strong. I can love deeply and say firm no's as well. I have most of the qualities that would make a sophisticated, smart and independent woman of the 21st century. I am not being arrogant here, I swear! Just assertive enough. To get the confidence and the hope I need desperately.
Its hard being away from home for so long (8 months and counting). Continuously berated with work and sky high expectations to maintain. I know I can do it. But sometimes. Just sometimes, I need to lean on someone. Until I regain my strength to stand on my own. The sad part of being strong is no one asks you how you are really doing. I have learnt this from experience! And its absolutely true.
I have also learnt that at the end of the day, I have only me. No matter how much someone loves you. There is God no doubt. But I hate disturbing him for petty things. Moreover I'm not the only one he is looking after you see.
Anyway, its time. 00:42. Have to finish my assignment!